i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
