my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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