I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
