we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
