Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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