Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
