It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I wish i was in the wii world.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
