And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
