you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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