I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
