Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
