I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just want to make out with him forever
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
