Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
