We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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