I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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