He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
