I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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