i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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