If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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