Im at strip club and am horny
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
