I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
