ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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