We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
