Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
