the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
