we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
