It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
where are my eyebrows?
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