If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
