so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
