this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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