I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
