I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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