4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i've created a new STD.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
