This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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