just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
this hospital has no fireball
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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