ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
