Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
