You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
