you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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