I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
