Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
