man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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