sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm like, not good at living.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
