So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
