she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
