so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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