I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
