She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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