Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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