Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My breasts were aching with rage.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
