i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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